mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
