Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
