I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
