Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
