i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
