she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
