Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
