okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
