new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
