When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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