I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
