I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
