I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
