that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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