Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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