you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
