mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
