the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
