My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
