i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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