went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
