i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
