my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
