you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
