really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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