eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We have started to decorate penises.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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