I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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