no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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