last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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