Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
