Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
