fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
