wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
