He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
