i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
