Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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