So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
