Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
