I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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