you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We are two peas in an std pod
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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