Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
