Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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