I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
