she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
