lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
