Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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