Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
