TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
