Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
