I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
