i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
